Existential Crisis

June 20, 2016

 “Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder ‘why, why, why?’
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

You’re lost. You can’t make sense of anything anymore.

“Why am I doing this job ? How long will I stay here ? Is it even important ? Am I missing out ? What about my dreams ? Will I find the time to pursue them ? Are they even real… or just the product of undisclosed feelings constructed in a childhood I had no control on ?”

That’s how every existential crisis episode starts, question after question, slowly but surely dragging you in its downward spiral of depression and a sense of self annihilation.

Once you start asking questions you realize that ideas you once took for granted are just misconception. Preconceived ideas about love, money, relationships, friends… ideas adopted because of family, friends, events… until it hits your identity.

What if instead of going to this primary school I went to the other one ? Will I be the same person I am today ? A decision I didn’t make, I was just a child… or did I ? What if I was born in another country ? What if I didn’t meet that person yesterday ? What if I said something other that what I said that day, what would’ve changed ?

What if after what if after what if after what if… if you’re lucky you get to see the bigger picture, if not… you learn how to shut down your brain, then whenever a complex subject appears you go into autopilot mode, back into the black hole of nothingness when nothing bothers you. A standing moving talking smiling vegetable.

But you can get lucky – if you stay true to yourself, then the bigger picture comes out of nowhere. And the bigger picture says : Stop… Well-being is more important that understanding.